The Love of a Child

My heart aches. I have NEVER been a patient girl, I think that little something was left out when God put the finishes touches on this gal. I knew this would be a long winding journey full of deadends and detours on the way to a child. I don't know where we will be lead in the upcoming year, but I do know one thing, I want to be a mama. I want it so badly. I want it NOW! Ha! See, I'm so impatient! My heart has been so heavy lately and I am full of so many emotions. This little guy (Great Nephew) can calm my heart and quieten my fears like no one else can.

Such a pure, sweet and honest love from one being to another. I'm this little guy's "Sissy" and he's my "lil' french fry". He looked at me this weekend and said "Hey, Sissy, I like you. I just love you, Sissy." He is such a blessing to everyone who knows and loves him. When I start thinking this road we're on to a child of our own is too hard, all I have to do is look at this little face and hear his words or feel his big hug. I want that! There is so much love in this little guy's heart and he's SO not afraid to show it to you. He loves with all his heart. I hope, I pray, that God has a little one waiting for us and we will continue the search. In the meantime, this is the sweet little boy God has given us to love and be loved by and we are blessed. Please continue to keep us in your prayers.

Looking Ahead

The holidays are upon us and we are dreaming of a little one more and more. We can't wait for the first Christmas together gazing at the christmas lights, the first Thanksgiving shared being thankful for our new little one. There is so much to look forward. We just pray that some day soon we have the chance to be the wonderful loving parents we know we can be.

An Adoption Prayer

I found this adoption poem today and thought it appropriate and very well stated.

"If you are fortunate and have children of your own thank God for them. If you have been given the chance to welcome a child in need of a family I thank God for you. If you know someone who wants to adopt a child join them in prayer for the day to come soon in which they will receive this child as their own. May all people involved in making little miracles happen be blessed by the Lord."

We both need all of your prayers during this time. We want to keep our eye on the big picture and that is to find that special little baby that God has in store for us. Although this process is difficult and we don't always understand WHY, we know that God has a plan. We have to remind ourselves that in time that plan will unfold and that one day we will have our family.

Please pass our adoption blog along to your friends and family and remember to keep us in your prayers. God Bless!

As I Sit Here Tonight

As I sit here tonight, I wonder if you will be a part of our lives by this time next year. Will you have a head full of hair? What color will your eyes be? Will you have long fingers and toes? Will you be a precious little baby girl with ribbons and bows or will you be a handsome little boy in baseball caps, jerseys and hightops like Daddy? I think about that. I think about who you will be, where you will come from. We do already love you even though we don't know where you are or who you will be. We know that one day our lives will change and we will have a home filled with cries, giggles, squeals and many happy memories for years to come.

As I sit here tonight, I can smell that sweet baby smell, feel that little velvet soft head and can hear that sweet little baby softly sleeping. We are looking for you little one and we are longing to hold you. We are here for you and we will find our way to you one day soon.

Adoption Support

I had a great conversation with a very dear friend of mine today - I always leave her with a giggle and a lighter outlook on life. Today, she was there for me when I didn't even realize how much I needed it. You know who you are and I thank you so much for your encouragement, support, concern and friendship. Those friends are few and far between.

Adoption is a gift, but it is one you work for, you shed many tears for while you wait, your heart longs and yerns for a baby, and you wait some more. If only it were as easy as getting in line, placing your order and walking away with a wonderful little miracle. There are encouraging days, days of tears, days of anger, days full of hopelessness, days filled with numbness and days when you just can't imagine getting out of bed and starting all over again not knowing. I encourage each of you to be an encouragement to your friends and loved ones going through an adoption. We all need a smiling warm face to help us make it through. If you see a tear in our eye, don't avoid us, give us a hug. If we sound a little down when you talk to us, make us get out of the house or away from the job and enjoy a girl's day out. Some days we want or need to wallow and want to be left alone, but some days we want to know that someone out there cares about us and what we are going through. We are hopeful and are excited about the experience of adoption, but it is a trying time and it takes lots of love and support to make it through until we get that sweet baby in our arms.

I found this poem today from someone going through an adoption in Vietnam and I thought it very well said.

Even though I was afraid you laid a hand on mine

and said "it's ok, don't cry Myla, ...

your baby is out there and she's waiting patiently for you."

Even though I didn't believe some days, you believed for me,

when I couldn't muster it,

you called, you wrote, you came around anyway.

When I couldn't stand anymore questions or talk

you said you were thinking of me and

that meant so much even if I couldn't express it

I was angry and hurting, so much grief, pain, and loss,

when I could not see beyond it you said "love, Myla"

When I was too close to the situation and my vision clouded,

bogged down in logistics, you reminded me of the reason, l

ove of the direction, faith of the necessity,

trust of the power inherent in us all to rise above.

My tears are grateful ones now, friend,

believe it. I take you with me when I go.

Copyright Myla Stauber 2000

Never In A Million Years...

Never in a million years would you think as a young girl growing up that there is even the slightest possiblity that you will not be able to have a child of your own one day. In my daydreams as a child and teen I saw the house, the husband, the dogs and children, children playing on swings, swimming with friends, playing ball, learning to cook from their mama, playing with Namaw. Never in a million years would I have imagined that one day I would be sitting here trying to evaluate the options available to my husband and I to have a family, watching time slip by. Never in a million years would I have dreamed we would have to wait for a birthmother to have a soft spot in her heart for us and choose to give us her child to love and to raise. Never in a million years could I have imagined the pain and hurt in my heart when a door closes and you have to wait for another one to open. Never in a million years would I have dreamed I would be forced to seek out financing options to make this dream come true. We have chosen to seek an independent adoption to cut down on the expense of adoption, but we would also like to list with an agency in the near future. The costs for adoption can be very high, as some of you reading this may already know, and that is why we have developed a way for anyone who wishes to donate to the adoption of Baby Murphree. Just click on the "Donate" button and use the options availble through Paypal or contact us directly. Any donation is always accepted and appreciated and will go towards the placement costs of the adoption, whether independently or through an agency. If you have any questions, please feel free to e-mail Deborah at cowcrazytxgal1@aol.com or Blake at mrbigzeke@aol.com. We love y'all and look forward to sharing our sweet little baby with you one day. Please keep us in your prayers during our journey.

Waiting.

Do you ever feel like you are on the outside looking in? Have you looked through the window at a life and wondered why it wasn't yours? That's how I feel. Like I'm waiting, waiting on my life to start. I'm 36 and have been married for 14 years, but I'm waiting. Waiting on what? Waiting on my family, my wonderful, cute, happy family,my children to love and make memories with. I've wanted a family of my own for so many years, and never did I dream I would be walking through life in slow motion this many years down the road. I have no children, infertility caused from years of PCOS and now my husband's disability has created a huge hurdle for us. I just don't fit. In a world filled with circles of families, I am a square peg, a childless, mourning, square peg. When I go back to my home church, the church where I grew up, where I know everyone, where everyone knows me, I feel as if I am an outsider. Old flames, old friends, acquaintances, everyone has a family. I want that. My heart aches for that. I don't know where my place is. Everywhere I go I hear "You don't have children?", "You just don't understand because you don't have kids.", "When are you going to have a baby?" and on and on and on it goes. It's always the same, I grin and shrug and life goes on...for them. For me, I start spinning, spinning in circles trying to figure out why, why it had to be me. I love my husband and want a family. I don't want to be old and childless. I want my family that I've always dreamed of. I have to think that some how, some way, God will fulfill my dreams and that one day I will be on the inside of this beautiful child-filled world. I know that God will bless us with the little one we are meant to share our lives with no matter if it is a child of our own or through the wonderful miracle of adoption. We are ready. We are waiting.

Oh little one, wherever you are,

Near to our hearts yet distant so far.

Have you already a birthday? I wonder each night,

Or have you yet to experience that journey of might.

We’ve waited so long to share our blessings with you,

Our hearts ache with joy of the thought coming true.

I want you to know how excited we are,

To meet you and love you; our precious little star.

Getting Ready and Patiently Waiting

The old saying goes, Anything worth having is worth waiting for. Just like that old saying, I have to know that the sweet baby that is meant for our arms is worth the wait, no matter how long it takes or what we go through. When we meet for the first time I know my heart will melt and that precious child will forever be ours. Setbacks may come and I’m sure we will have ups and downs during this time, but one day, one day we will have our precious baby.

No matter the ups and downs, we are FULL of hope. We WILL keep on keeping on, persevering until we bring our baby home. We've started planning our baby’s nursery, not too girly, not rough and tough boyish, but a super cute and bright neutral nursery that can be glammed up with ribbons and bows or can have a few boyish charms added in if need be. We've decided to paint the nursery apple green and white. Exciting news...here is a picture of our crib set that arrived today!!!! Today of all days. We can’t wait to get the painting underway and find the perfect crib!

The nursery will be perfect for our little Ava Marie or Jackson Wayne...yes, we have picked our names!

A Glimpes of You

In my dreams I can see a faint glimpse of you. I wonder what you will look like. There are dreams of carseats, diaper bags, cute little outfits, cuddling in the early morning hours and spoiling you rotten! I'm dreaming of you and am patiently waiting. - Mommy

It's Our Time

It's our time for the joy of a baby, making memories and sharing our love with a little one. We hope you find your way to our arms soon and make our family complete. We are searching and waiting for you. We love you already...wherever you are. Love, Mommy & Daddy

Dear Birthmother Letter

Dear Birthmother,

Thank you for considering our family in the adoption of your child. This has to be the hardest and most important decision you will ever have to make. We hope that after viewing our story you will see that we are a family overflowing with love. We welcome any questions you may have about us, our home, and our lives.

We have been happily married for fourteen years. We share our home with our spoiled rotten dog, Mystic’s Princess Layla (she doesn’t know she’s a dog). We live in a family-oriented community with nearby parks and a wonderful backyard to run and play in. We have many friends and family members with children just waiting for us to add one to the fun family activities.

Blake is thirty-seven years old and has recently embarked on a path as a full-time college student, majoring in Forensic Science, and is looking forward to a rewarding and exciting career as a real life “CSI”. He has a great sense of humor and a kind, caring heart. Blake is an avid Dallas Cowboy fan, loves football in general and enjoys watching basketball, baseball, college softball and golf, and he still enjoys listening to music and playing video games to unwind.

Deborah is thirty-six years old, and enjoys a career as an office manager and legal assistant with a small law firm in Sherman. She also likes to let her hair down and “bling” it up as a Premier Designs jewelry consultant. Deborah loves to make people laugh, has a smile the size of Texas, and enjoys doing for others. Her hobbies include cooking, decorating her home and shopping with her dearest friend, her mother.

As a family, we love to laugh and spend time with each other. We enjoy spending time with our family and friends, cooking out, playing games, or just watching movies. The baby we adopt will have loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and cousins. There are also plenty of friends ready to love the baby we adopt. Our new child will grow up surrounded by the love and support that is so important to any child.

We feel very fortunate to be able to build our family through adoption. We cannot wait to share our love, kindness, patience, nurturing, opportunities, and education with our first child. To us, this is what parenting and family is all about.

The special person who blesses us with such a miraculous gift will always hold a special place in our hearts and prayers. Forever, that person will remain a part of “our” child and us. The child will always know that he or she has birthparents that love and care for them and will never forget them.